having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
