so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
