$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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