is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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