Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
