eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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