May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
