3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
