4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
