Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
