Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
