4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
