it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
