my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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