woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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