im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
