the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
