Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
