i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
