Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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