I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
