I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
