we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
