Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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