twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
