apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
is it fun? or sober?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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