a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
