i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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