I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
