so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
