I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
