he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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