who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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