We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
