Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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