I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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