The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
