Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
