Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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