you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
