Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
