Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
