I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
