oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
