there's paper in my vomit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
