Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
