remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
