So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
