I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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