haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
