We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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