we have officially lost it.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
